Would You Like Fries With That?
The other day my mom asked me if I was going to give her grandchildren. This wasnt the first time she asked and it probably wont be the last. And the answer that I usually give is no.
No kids
Sometimes I say "I dont know" and that would be the most accurate answer. I am 22, in college, single, and most of all, I am focused. Focused on God as well as my academic and professional goals. I feel like someone is my position, at this point in history, can say I don't know, I dont know if I even want kids or when I want them. In an earlier time, during the last century, women married young and wanted kids or at least knew that it was in their future. But they also had less opportunities so creating a family gave them purpose and fulfilled the society expectation of women. Today women have different goals and priorites which is OK and really great that women are in amazing leadership roles, great jobs and are pursuing what makes them happy. Kids might not be their plans or they might either way we should see these women through the lens of their accomplishments and not the size of their family.
Now before I move forward, lets say that someday twenty years from now if I am married and have like 10 kids, feel free to say I told you so or whatever phrase that gives you somekind of satisfaction.
What I really want to say is that I dont want to be worried, like the majority of young women I know, about finding that perfect spouse and creating a family. Who decided that we, as women especially, need to be married by a certain age? Why cant we enjoy being single and instead about asking about a persons singledom we ask about the person. Lets stop asking the question, "So why are you still single"...seriously lets stop, I hate that question (like how am I supposed to answer that..."ummm I dont know, maybe guys find my confidence threatening"). Why do we think that if a woman isnt married by 30, then something is wrong with her, or we pity her, we don't do that to men.
Its not my time to figure that all out and if I so choose to live outside of the norm of an average life cycle then who cares its my life and I am happy. If I dont ever have kids does that make me lesser or unfemminine. Would I be considered selfish? Would my opportunities of finding a mate be less because of my uncertainty in starting a family. Would I be considered a disapointment or even unfulfilled. Well these are all ideas that people place on single women, which then force us to be consumed with fitting into the mold of what society thinks a family is.
Why do I have to have my mind made up? Why is it disapointing if I say I might not want kids later on in life? Why can't I roll through the drive through, and when they ask if I want fries with that, I say no I want a salad...or apple silces? I guess I just want to make my own decisons without the pressure of disappointing someone, being outcasted by my community or feeling unfulfilled. We should all be given the freedom to be happy,if your single business women then props to you or if its to be a single mom then good at ya and if its somewhere in between thats great. Just be happy with where you are and where God has you right now in your life. Don't be overwhelmed when you see your friends at a stage in life that you are not in, that just means that God has something else in store for you. So open your hands and say ok God give me all the wonderful gifts you have for me, nothing less or nothing more than what you will.
What I truly believe with all my heart is that if God wants me to have the whole husband, 2.5 kids and a dog then I will accept that as my lot. And I believe that He will give me those desires for that life at the right moment in time. Or God will say that He is to be my only husband and the people He surrounds me with will be my family. Either way I will trust in God and look to what He wants of my life.
I know that when my mom askes those questions, its because she loves me and she loves babies, they are not ment to make me feel a certain way. But the questions got me thinking about marriage and having a family. Making the decision is just the first part but then there are all the other issues of commitment, fears and expectations. I am not going to get into that becuase I will probably argue in circles or sound like a dork and I just dont want to. Thanks for reading!
No kids
Sometimes I say "I dont know" and that would be the most accurate answer. I am 22, in college, single, and most of all, I am focused. Focused on God as well as my academic and professional goals. I feel like someone is my position, at this point in history, can say I don't know, I dont know if I even want kids or when I want them. In an earlier time, during the last century, women married young and wanted kids or at least knew that it was in their future. But they also had less opportunities so creating a family gave them purpose and fulfilled the society expectation of women. Today women have different goals and priorites which is OK and really great that women are in amazing leadership roles, great jobs and are pursuing what makes them happy. Kids might not be their plans or they might either way we should see these women through the lens of their accomplishments and not the size of their family.
Now before I move forward, lets say that someday twenty years from now if I am married and have like 10 kids, feel free to say I told you so or whatever phrase that gives you somekind of satisfaction.
What I really want to say is that I dont want to be worried, like the majority of young women I know, about finding that perfect spouse and creating a family. Who decided that we, as women especially, need to be married by a certain age? Why cant we enjoy being single and instead about asking about a persons singledom we ask about the person. Lets stop asking the question, "So why are you still single"...seriously lets stop, I hate that question (like how am I supposed to answer that..."ummm I dont know, maybe guys find my confidence threatening"). Why do we think that if a woman isnt married by 30, then something is wrong with her, or we pity her, we don't do that to men.
Its not my time to figure that all out and if I so choose to live outside of the norm of an average life cycle then who cares its my life and I am happy. If I dont ever have kids does that make me lesser or unfemminine. Would I be considered selfish? Would my opportunities of finding a mate be less because of my uncertainty in starting a family. Would I be considered a disapointment or even unfulfilled. Well these are all ideas that people place on single women, which then force us to be consumed with fitting into the mold of what society thinks a family is.
Why do I have to have my mind made up? Why is it disapointing if I say I might not want kids later on in life? Why can't I roll through the drive through, and when they ask if I want fries with that, I say no I want a salad...or apple silces? I guess I just want to make my own decisons without the pressure of disappointing someone, being outcasted by my community or feeling unfulfilled. We should all be given the freedom to be happy,if your single business women then props to you or if its to be a single mom then good at ya and if its somewhere in between thats great. Just be happy with where you are and where God has you right now in your life. Don't be overwhelmed when you see your friends at a stage in life that you are not in, that just means that God has something else in store for you. So open your hands and say ok God give me all the wonderful gifts you have for me, nothing less or nothing more than what you will.
What I truly believe with all my heart is that if God wants me to have the whole husband, 2.5 kids and a dog then I will accept that as my lot. And I believe that He will give me those desires for that life at the right moment in time. Or God will say that He is to be my only husband and the people He surrounds me with will be my family. Either way I will trust in God and look to what He wants of my life.
I know that when my mom askes those questions, its because she loves me and she loves babies, they are not ment to make me feel a certain way. But the questions got me thinking about marriage and having a family. Making the decision is just the first part but then there are all the other issues of commitment, fears and expectations. I am not going to get into that becuase I will probably argue in circles or sound like a dork and I just dont want to. Thanks for reading!
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