Life in Remission: Year One

A year ago today, I walked into my Oncologist's office for my last chemotherapy appointment. I still can't believe that it's been a year. No more chemo drugs, fatigue, pain, brain fog, or a picc line. That stuff is in the past. My current desire is to forget all those things and move on! But there are lessons in those moments of pain that need to be remembered. That's partially the reason for this blog, to write down the things I wish to forget but know that I need to remember.

(October 2017)

I choose this day to be my cancerversary because the day my doctor announced I was officially in remission was about a month and a half later. It was very anti-climactic, I didn't ring the bell or anything like that. (Ringing a large bell is often a celebration of the end of chemo in some oncologist offices.) So I choose my last chemo day because that was exciting to me, it meant no more feeling like crap and finally allowing my body to feel better. No more roller coaster, feeling good then feeling sick then feeling fine. The last chemo appointment meant I could get my life back, so this is the day I celebrate.

I feel at a lost for words, for everyone else its just a day in late October, but for me its a day of new life, excitement and joy. 

Let me share a few things that I have learned since that last appointment.
These are in no particular order.

• Do the things that bring you joy. If you want to go hike up a mountain, paint or even learn something new. Go for it, you don't have to be good at it just enjoy yourself. Don't hold back because tomorrow is not promised. I have taken up bread making, sewing and crocheting. Creating has become this thing that brings me joy and helps me feel closer to God.
• Be good to your body. I remember my pastor praying for me and telling me to thank God for my body because it is strong and it is good. Go for a walk, drink lots of water and fuel your body with good things. Not out of fear, insecurity or guilt but because your body is good, strong and needs to be taken care of every day. Going through chemotherapy kills cancer cells and also takes a toll on the body. I want to take care of my body now and not mistreat it like I have in the past. 
• Celebrate the big wins and the little ones. Joy can be found everywhere if you are willing to ask God for the eyes to see and will resist the devils attempts to ruin your day. I beat cancer, so yeah I am going to be pretty stoked most days. 

• Encourage others in your struggle. No one chooses the struggle, it just happens. Help others when possible.
• Thank God everyday for everything and anything. Being thankful is good for the heart.
• Arm yourself with prayer and the word of God. Fear holds a lot of us back and those two things are what disarm fear and bring us back to peace.

Those are just a few thing off the top of my head that I have learned or incorporated into this last year of life. 

No more picc lines or weird thinning hair. Praise God! At some point I am going to write about hair because its been an ordeal. 

(Summer 2017)

( December 2017)

As I was thinking about what to do to celebrate this one year mark, I read online that I should make goals for what I want this next year of remission to look like. I loved that idea so here are some of  my goals.

• Have more faith and less fear. Fear has snuck in on occasion during this last year and I don't want the dramatic ups and downs that fear brings into my life. Please pray for me that I would stop fear in its tracks with the word of God.
• In this next year I feel like God is going to be doing something new, I want to find out what that it and work on it. 
• I want to encourage other women who are also growing in strength and joy.

I want to end with a Psalm that really helped me throughout this last year. 

Psalm 91

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

(October 2018)